another moral hangover. fuck.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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