I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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