Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
