i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
