Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
