you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
After tacos, we're chasing women.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
