can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
