Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
