does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
FUCK WHALES
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
