You work out of a Hotel?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
