i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I cut my penus on the lid.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
