Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
