U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
