I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I would ride that face into the sunset
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
