i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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