also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
