If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
