remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
