??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
