We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
