Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
