it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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