well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
