He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
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