I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
