you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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