Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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