it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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