...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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