UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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