please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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