Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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