When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
