I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
