Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
