I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He? As in you personified your dick?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
