I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
