What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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