You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
