Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
