First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
