he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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