So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
