I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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