I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
