I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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