I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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