Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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