i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
