just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
