I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
