overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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