dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
